Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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