Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
