this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
