Capitaan dildo arrescate!
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
All the doctor said was why
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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