Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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