Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
