If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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