Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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