Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
