Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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