can u get pink eye on your cock?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
