Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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