where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
The dick lei will go down in squad history
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