Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
