i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
