I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
