Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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