she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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