fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
