i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
