I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
