i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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