There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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