i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
