All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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