You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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