Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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