This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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