took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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