how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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