evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
