oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
