I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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