It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I think I sprained my soul last night
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize