He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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