im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
