in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
