She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Randomize
