remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
