Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize