I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
