Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
