Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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