Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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