The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
