Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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