...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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