who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
