Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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