I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Just invented taco cereal.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
