I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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