Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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