I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
