worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
