you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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