vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
