I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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