Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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