I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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