Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
