He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize