no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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