areolas are like halos for boobs.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
