Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Is it because I queefed?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
