I've blown a few things in my day
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
