Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
