***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
