My brain says no but my pants say off.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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