She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
