I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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