yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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