mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
