We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
