I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize