just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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