He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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