We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Randomize
