i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
