Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
