I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
