i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
