We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize