I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I think I won the penis lottery.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize